


If love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep.

by transgendergerard



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans Male Reader, golden globes, i wrote this at 2am, male reader - Freeform, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 12:45:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17828819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transgendergerard/pseuds/transgendergerard
Summary: you wake up from bad dreams that deal with childhood trauma often, but this is the first time when you have that type of dream when you’re sleeping in the same bed as Ben and he helps you feel better afterward.





	If love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! Sorry I haven't posted a fic in a while. School started back and sadly the things I have to write for class is slightly more important than my fanfics, but I wrote this one late last night after having the idea for the fic for a while now. This fic is based on real life experiences since I do deal with nightmares based on childhood traumas, but sadly I don't have a Ben to help me feel better :( 
> 
> the song Ben sings in the fic is Sleep by My Chemical Romance which I think you should listen to before you read the fic. 
> 
> The title of the fic is from Folkin Around by Panic at the Disco :) 
> 
> send me fic prompts: www.transgendergerard.tumblr.com/ask

It started out as a really great night, even if it ended badly. It had a great start, and that is what should matter.

 

It was the night of the Golden Globes and even though only Rami, Brian, and Roger could actually go to the actual event you still had a great time with the rest of the cast and crew by throwing a watch party not too far from the venue so Rami, Brian and Roger could easily drive back here after the show was over. You, Ben, Gwilym, Joe, Lucy, and Allen were seating on the couch in the corner that’s near the tv most of the night. Everyone was seated close to each other, except for you and Ben who kept close to the very end of the couch. You were cuddled up to Ben’s side, and his arm was around your waist, keeping a tight grip on you. You can feel Joe’s eyes staring at you, clearly jealous of your current status as Ben’s boyfriend, but you don’t mind. He can do the same thing with the cardboard cutout if he was really desperate.

 

It wasn’t until the award show was halfway over when they finally announced best actor. Now Ben, Gwilym, and Joe were sitting next to each other, with you still at Ben’s side with a hand on his thigh trying to keep him calm but you knew that wouldn’t work. He wasn’t calm until they listed who was nominated, and they opened the piece of paper and read out that Rami had won best actor. Everyone had got up from their seats and hugged each other, but still kept their eyes on the TV screen so they could watch Rami’s speech.

 

You looked at Ben when Rami said he couldn’t wait to tackle everyone once he was able to see them again. You could see how proud your boyfriend was for his best friend and you couldn’t believe you were able to be a part of such a special night for the cast and crew.

 

It was around midnight when you and Ben finally went back to the hotel you were staying at. After Rami had won, after fanboying over the fact that Taylor Swift was there and presented an award you texted Rami to make sure he told her you loved her, and finally, the biggest surprise of the night, Bohemian Rhapsody won best picture. You couldn’t wait to celebrate with just your boyfriend for the rest of the night alone with just the two of you.

 

Ben was trying to open the door to your shared hotel room when he started to talk to you.

 

“So, y/n, what was your favorite part of the show?” Ben asks as he gets the door open and you two quickly walk into the hotel room.

 

“Oh, Taylor Swift, of course!” You say as Ben takes off his shoes and you take off your tie.

 

“Really? Taylor? And not the movie your boyfriend was in winning best picture?” Ben asks as he looks at you through the mirror. Your tie was off and you were just taking off your suit jacket. He was giving you a questionable look, but you were grinning at him.

 

“Honey, you do know I love her more than I love you right?” You say.

 

“I mean I know you’re a huge fan, but I thought you would be excited for me…” Ben says as he hugs you from the back, trying to kiss the back of your neck. You feel his hands resting on your hips.

 

“Of course I’m excited for you babe, why do you think I’m trying to take my clothes off?” You say with a smirk. You can see Ben smile through the mirror and you can feel his heart beat faster than normal.

 

“Oh, really? If that’s the case, I think you need a little bit of help with taking your clothes off, do you agree?” He asks you as you turn around to face him. You’re quite short, barely 5ft, so you have to stand on your tippy toes to really look at Ben, but it’s worth it to see the look that was on his face right now.

 

“Of course you can help, dear, just make it fast, okay?” You ask. He just hmms back and quickly takes your dress shirt off, revealing the binder you’ve been wearing for probably too long now.

 

“Mind if we move this to the bed?” Ben asks, carefully moves his fingers up and down your binder, looking into your eyes to ask for your permission. You didn’t have to say anything, you just nodded your head yes and you jumped on Ben so he could dump you onto the middle of the quite fancy hotel bed. He carefully removes your binder and you start removing his clothes as well before celebrating everything that happened tonight.

 

You knew for a fact that after tonight’s activities you fell asleep in Ben’s arms, both of you panting, trying to breathe normally again. After Ben cleaned both of you up neither of you bothered putting any clothes on as you were quite hot from what you were just doing, but right now you were shivering, freezing cold. And you were surely not in Ben’s arms. You must have moved during the night so you were on the other side of the bed, asleep on your stomach. But right now you rather be doing anything except for sleeping because your current dream was anything but a dream. It was more so a nightmare.

 

You have told Ben a lot about your childhood. Some of the stuff you’ve told him is stuff you really want to forget, but your therapist has told you it’s better to tell one person than to keep everything to yourself, so you thought Ben was going to be that person. Even though he had a normal childhood he was able to understand where you came from so if you were ever off, or was more distance from him than normal, he knew why. But some things, more of the traumatic things you’ve been through, you haven’t talked to him about. You haven’t talked to anyone about, and have only alluded to your therapist, never properly talking to them about it as you just want to forget about the events altogether. But you can’t.

 

You get reminded by them periodically by these recurring nightmares. They’re about the same traumatic event, but it ends differently each time. Sometimes worse how it actually ended, or even better but still bad, but whenever you have it you wake up in a cold sweat and refuse to go back to bed once you’ve been woken up.

 

Tonight you had a nightmare that you’ve been having for a few years now. You wake up because you feel an arm shaking you. You wake up and you feel tears coming down your eyes and you feel out of breathe and way too cold compared to how hot you and Ben were just a few hours ago. You quickly removed the converter, not caring that you’re just in your boxers. You were breathing heavenly and you tried to keep your eyes open long enough to not see the last thing you were dreaming about.

 

You move your head to look at the clock that’s on the bedside table next to the bed. It’s around 2:30 am so you weren’t asleep for that long, only for a little bit. You then finally turned to your left so you face Ben. He looked so worried. He takes a deep breath and speaks up.

 

“Y/n, are you okay? You were shaking and screaming and I didn’t know what to do but wake you up. I felt so useless.” Ben says quietly. You feel bad that your boyfriend didn’t know what to do, but you get it as you’ve never had a nightmare while you slept with him.

 

“I - I… I get nightmares. A lot. About childhood trauma. It used to be way more frequent, but since I’ve been dating you I haven’t had a nightmare that bad in around 6 months, but for some reason, something triggered it and that happened. I’m sorry I’ve never told you that this happens, it’s mainly because the trauma is something I don’t want to talk about so I just deal with it. I’m sorry.” You explained. Ben keeps his eyes on you, nodding along to your explanation.

 

“I’m sorry that’s something you have to go through with. I wish you didn’t go through anything you went through, but especially whatever is the reason behind these nightmares, but I’m glad I seemed to stop them for a while.” Ben says as he pulls your mostly naked body to his fully naked body, as he doesn’t care about sleeping in clothes, not even a pair of boxers.

 

You start to feel yourself calm down a little as Ben wraps his arms around you, holding you close. Not wanting to let you go. You move your ear to his chest and listen to his heartbeat, listening to it makes yours go back to normal. You feel Ben’s fingers go up and down your back, drawing little patterns everywhere. But then you start to fell more tears trying to come out of your eyes, and you just finally let it all out. Ben just pulls you closer to his body as you bawl your eyes out.

 

You don’t know how long you cried, but at some point, you finally stopped and Ben wraps away the final tears from your face.

 

“You feel better now, love?” Ben asks.

 

“A little. Thanks for dealing with me, Ben.” You say as you accept the tissue Ben gives you.

 

“Y/n, I’m your boyfriend, I want to be here when you threw times like this. I’m not “dealing with you”, I want to help you.” Ben says.

 

“I know. I just… feel like you put up a lot with being with me and I just feel bad that you have to take care of me all the time.” You replied back.

 

“It’s fine, y/n. I want to take care of you, help you make you feel better.”

 

“Okay, if you say so.” You say as you laid your head to Ben’s chest. It’s quiet for a while before Ben speaks again.

 

“Do you want me to do anything, y/n?” Ben asks. You look up to him trying to think of anything that he could do to help make you feel better.

 

“Can you sing to me?” You finally ask. Ben’s eyes light up at the request.

 

“Of course, love. Even though I’m not Freddie.” Ben laughs.

 

“I don’t care, I just want to hear your voice.” You replied back.

 

“Any special request?” Ben asks you. You think for a minute trying to come up with a song you want to hear. You can just ask for a Queen song, maybe something Roger wrote, but you ask Ben to sing a song that has helped you get through your nightmares since you were a teenager.

 

“Sleep by My Chemical Romance?” You ask with a raised brow. MCR has been your favorite band since you were 13, and it has only been recent times that Queen has replaced them as your favorite band as you’ve gotten to know Ben more. Roger is definitely your favorite member, but you always tell Ben it’s Freddie.

 

“Sure, dear.” Ben says before he starts to sing.

 

“Just don’t do the talking bits. I love your British accent, but you sound nothing like Gerard Way.” You noted. Ben just laughs and starts singing.

 

“Some say, now suffer all the children

And walk away a savior,

Or a madman and polluted

From gutter institutions

Don’t you breathe for me…” Ben sings and you feel yourself go back to sleep, but more relaxed than you have been. You move your hand to Ben’s hand that isn’t on your back and intertwined them together. They don’t let go of each other for the rest of the night.

 

As Ben sings the last verse of the song he notices that you finally went back to sleep, but you’re more calm and relaxed than before. He kisses your forehead and breathes a sigh of relief. Even though he knows that it’s impossible to wake you up once you’ve gone to sleep he still whispers into your ear.

 

“Good night, y/n. I love you. Sweet dreams.” Ben swears he sees you smile and feel your grip on his hand tighten.

 

Ben doesn’t go back to bed after that. Worried of you waking up again. So he removes his phone from the nightstand near him and unlocks it, and sees he’s received some texts from Rami.

 

Rami M: hey Lucy and I just got back from the party and heard y/m screaming. Is he okay?

 

Ben was a bit surprised at the text but was glad his friends were considered about his boyfriend.

 

Ben H: yeah, he’s okay now. He deals with nightmares a lot and had a particularly bad one tonight.

 

Rami M: I’m sorry to hear that :( Lucy and I weren’t sure if we should have done something or not.

 

Ben H: I was able to take care of him for the most part. He just felt bad that I had to see him go through it I think.

 

Rami M: yeah I get that. I guess he’s better now?

 

Ben H: Yeah. He’s sleeping now. Thanks for checking up on us.

 

Rami M: no problem. Text us if you need any more help later.

 

Ben reads the last text with a smile on his face. He’s thankful that he has great friends willing to help him whenever possible. At first, he thought he really did had to go get someone but once y/n finally woke up he felt better that he could handle the situation on his own. His best friends have helped him through some rough time recently and he wanted to do the same for his boyfriend. Feeling his heartbeat and breathing go back to normal makes him feel like he’s done what he wanted to do so he finally goes back to sleep too. Never letting you go.


End file.
